Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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