The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
