your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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