you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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