if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
