You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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