I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
