mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
