we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
