my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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