I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Couch. On fire.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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