I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
