there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
