I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i barfeds in our rink
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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