I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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