Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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