Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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