My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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