never play flip cup with pint glasses
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
