She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
