and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
