We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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