so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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