I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
