girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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