Duck Duck Cougar?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
