Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
