I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
