the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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