come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
