One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My penis needs a shock collar
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
