look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
