his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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