I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
