Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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