so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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