She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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