Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
