Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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