dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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