I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
