i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
