True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
