what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
