those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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