I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
