I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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