Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
