life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
