i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
